All the Cool Kids Are Doing It

So the other day, I was watching Access Hollywood (you tell me what else is on at 6:30 that is NOT Wheel of Fortune) and they had a story about Whitney Houston on.  In case you've been under a rock for the last 15-20 years, Whitney Houston has a slight issue with recreational narcotics. . . and it kinda shows.  Especially when you compare present Whitney with Whitney circa 1980.  Yes, I know she's older but we can't completely blame her deterioration on the ravages of time. . .  and even if we could, "ravage" wouldn't be anywhere near an apt term.  "Ravage" is almost too polite. I mean, if we could blame all that on aging it would be more akin to the sacking of Rome.

Same issue with Lindsey Lohan.  She used to be very cute with the red har and her little freckles.  Now she's on the fast train to Courtney Love-Ville.  We all know what happened with Whitney (*cough, cough* Bobby Brown *cough*), but what is Lindsay Lohan's malfunction? How did Lindsey go from The Parent Trap remake to community service at the morgue?  Somewhere in there, things went wrong; horribly wrong, just as has happened a thousand times before with other kids.  The thing of it that blows my mind is: how can people possibly look at someone that is high, like seriously fucked-up high, and think: "this is the thing for ME to do"?

I think most people in America have seen a crackhead before.  And if not a crackhead, then a meth head, a coke head, a heroin addict. . .  Unfortunately, drugs are everywhere.  Coming face to face with them and the people that use them are almost a certainty.  Some people are sneaky and able hide that they have a problem for a long time.  It's when they get too strung out to care about keeping it a secret, that we see them skulking around streets asking people for spare change.  Some pity them.  Some despise them.  We all recognize them. And yet this country and many others continue to have a persistent drug problem.

  I understand that some people are at greater risk for these types of things due to their life circumstances and the need for escapism.  Hell, there have been a few days when the clock has barely struck 10am and I find myself thinking I could use a drink.  Some days are just like that. But who the hell looks at a meth addict and thinks "I, too, would like to have my teeth rot out of my head before the age of 30?"

These are hard drugs.  There is no doing crack one time then quitting tomorrow.  And these folks know this. You can't not have drug awareness classes in school now, not if you don't want a nation of Tyrone Biggums.  So what's the problem here?

I'll tell you what the problem is: peer pressure. Half the dumb shit most people do is on advice from other people that do dumb shit.  The human is a social animal.  We have a need to be accepted  and sometimes we will go to great lengths to accomplish that.   Sadly, this craving seems to have a nasty habit of handicapping our common sense.  Like when people go out and buy a $500 of jeans because all the "cool" people have a $500 pair of jeans.  Did that pair of jeans make your life better?  No. It's fucking pants.  Their primary purpose is to keep your legs warm/protect your skin.  If those two needs are being served, it really doesn't matter how much they cost. Personally, the only way I'd pay that much money for pants is if they gave me super powers.

But back to drugs. People influence other people to try drugs.  They make it sound seductive, wonderful, an altered state of consciousness where you'll see the world as you've never seen it before. . . Ok. I get that.  It does sound kind of appealing.  But let's take this scenario: you're at a party, just hanging out with your friends.  One friend goes "hey, I got this meth. You wanna try it?"  Your friend is not a drug dealer, not trying to make money off you. Just trying to share the wealth.  They tell you they've been doing it for a while. It's great!  Now, you're pretty cool with this friend, but somewhere in the back of your mind, you're thinking they look like shit. But all your other friends are doing it.  You don't want to be left out. So what do you do? How did you get trapped in this ABC afterschool special (dating myself, I know)?

The answer may seem obvious, but the horrible part is that it isn't to everyone. This is where I  get lost.  I wouldn't let a meth addict suggest a new brand of toilet paper for me to use let alone a recreational drug. So why the hell would anyone else?  You have somebody that looks like the crypt keeper telling you "You should use this drug. I use this drug. It's awesome".  I would think it would be apparent that this individual's decision-making skills are a little impaired. 

Who the hell was Lindsey Lohan hanging out with  to get her into this stuff?  I hear the free drugs flow like water in Hollywood, but people have to think about the fact the sometimes drug dealers need to do promotions just like any other salesmen.  How do you rope in new clients? Free samples.  People have to ask themselves: if you had never tried cocaine and it wasn't free, would you even want it? 

Scenario 2: you're at a glamorous Hollywood affair.  D-bag drug dealer says "hey, I got this heroine. Only $50 dollars (or whatever the hell heroine costs). You think: $50 dollars?! No, thanks. You start to walk away.  D-bag drug dealer goes "Hey wait! Since it's you, I'll let you have the first batch for free."  What do you do?

Again, answer seem sobvious.  But what did Lindsey do? She thought "well, since it's free. . . ."  Who gives a shit if it's free?  It's heroine.  And there's probably some supermodel vomiting all over herself in the corner because of it!  But once again, people wanna be in the "in" crowd, the "it" crowd or whatever buzz word they're using these days for the more prominent sheeple.

I don't care if it gets you on the cover of People magazine, rehab is not cool.  That saying "Even bad publicity is good publicity" is bullshit.  And what are you publizing anyway, that you're too stupid to think for yourself?  Yeah, that's definitely something you want to be common knowledge.

And anyway, getting arrested and having your mugshot on Entertainment Tonight is where it's at now.

Splenda Does NOT Taste Like Sugar

In my ongoing quest for fitness, I have made a few concessions to my diet in the last few years.  I have started to eat more fruit and green vegetables.  I am gravitating more towards lean meats and fish (both baked and grilled). I eat fat-free when I can stand it (fat is what makes things taste good. Eating some fat-free foods is like eating paper i.e. completely tasteless; but this varies from food to food) and reduced fat in other circumstances. 

I almost completely cut out soda some years ago, which was much harder than it sounds.  Going cold turkey from soda is like going cold turkey from crack.  Somehow I managed.  It was either that or switch to diet soda which was a no-go.  Why? Because of the artificial sweeteners and their horrible taste. . . and the fact that they allegedly rot your insides like Draino.  But mostly because of the taste.

Everyone knows Splenda, right?  It's the fako sugar in the yellow packet and box.  Anyway, there was this commercial a few years ago that expounded upon the wonders of Splenda by explaining how Splenda starts with sugar, tastes like sugar but it's NOT sugar.  Then of course is your requisite scene with a couple of kids running into mom's kitchen to a tray of homemade cookies that are, supposedly, made with Splenda.

So the camera cuts to the little girl biting into a cookie and the look on her face plainly says "This cookie tastes like shit".  Now, this makes sense because practically anything made with Splenda tastes like shit.  Why? Because Splenda does NOT taste like sugar. 

Now obviously, I'm not a fan of the fako sugar.   There is absolutely nothing like the real thing.  Yes, I know it's not good for you in large quantities, but neither is sunlight.  That hasn't stopped people from going outside, though.  A good old fashioned treat made with real sugar is not gonna hurt you every once in a while unless you're a diabetic.  In which case, you're kinda stuck with whatever doesn't make you go hyperglycemic.  Otherwise, there is no need to cheapen a perfectly good baked good with Splenda, Equal or any other gross sugar substitute.  It makes baby Jesus cry.

Artificial sweeteners have a palpable aftertaste and it is not a good one.  And there isn't any appropriate way to describe it either.  It's kind of like that  just-brushed-your-teeth aftertaste except that one has hints of flavors you can describe, like mint.What's the aftertaste of Splenda? Some miscellaneous chemical that I can't spell.

And the real kicker to Splenda and other no-cal sweeteners is that they DO have calories.  The company just screws with the serving size and packing to get it under the guideline of what the FDA defines as a no-calorie food.  So if you stand there and put 10 packets of Splenda in your coffee, you may as well have just put half as many packs of sugar in. It's almost the same thing.

Splenda, in particular, is mostly made by chlorinating regular sugar. Mmm. . . . chlorine. . . .*drools*.  Why don't I just go ahead and put bleach in my cereal?

I suppose I understand the logic of fako sugar, but wouldn't it be easier to just practice moderation with sweets?  That way, when you let yourself have one, it's even better because you made yourself wait.  If you go around devouring plates of oatmeal raisins like a flesh-colored cookie monster, I think you have bigger problems than a little sugar anyway. 

Now I know that some people will swear up and down that you can make yummy treats with artificial sugar and it will be far better for you than anything made with refined white sugar.  To some people, refined sugar is like the satanic spawn of meth and heroin sprinkled with the ashes of unbaptized babies.  Granted, it's bad.  Still, if I'm going to sabotage my health, I'd rather do it with something that doesn't taste like diluted White Out.  But that's just me.

Of course, if anyone would like to prove me wrong, feel free to whip up your finest baked goods and forward them on.  I promise to let you know whether or not they ended up in the garbage.