I Hate Morning People

I really, truly hate getting up in the morning. The reasons for that are a whole other blog in and of themselves, so we'll suffice for now with emphasizing how truly difficult it is for me to get out of bed on any given day. Now, if I've had a good 9-11 hours of sleep, my morning grumpiness is generally minimized. This does not, however, mean that when I wake up, I am good and ready to jump into the day. It takes me at least an hour to get going on the best day; two or three on a bad one. During this initial wake-up time, there are two things which are of vital importance to me and which tend influence my mindset for the rest of the day: quiet and coffee. I don't want to talk. I don't want to hear anyone else taking. I don't want to think about anything of any particular importance. All I want to do is drink my coffee and allow my mind to emerge naturally from it's sleep addled state. If I don't get get these two things or if they are somehow interrupted or cut short, well. . . I can't necessarily be held responsible for what might happen the rest of the day.

Now, I realize that this is not the norm for everyone. Some people are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed every morning no matter what time it is. They jump out of bed raring to go and ready to take the world by the horns. They are cheerful and alert and can easily overcome any lingering fatigue from the night before as quickly and easily as you can say "good morning". . . .

I hate these people. A lot.

While I do not begrudge anyone whatever they like to do in the morning, be it starting the day with a workout or some yoga right down to lighting up a joint, I find myself becoming violently annoyed when they try to drag me into it. I am not a morning person. Never have been. Never will be. My mind is not firing on all cylinders before a certain hour. The only parts of my brain that are active are the basic motor skills portion and the angry-stabby-bitchy portion. The one part has no coherent thoughts. The other part just wants everyone to go away or die, whichever comes first. It is a veritable recipe for disaster.

And as if just daring to be cheerful in the a.m. isn't enough, the worst part about morning people is that they don't seem to realize that there are some who don't wish to be engaged at that hour. They chatter away happily like everyone gives a shit about whatever the hell they're talking about. Not that there probably isn't someone that does, but personally, all I can hear of what anyone says before 9a.m. is the waah-waah sound all the adults in every Charlie Brown special make. And as irritating as that sound is, I think I'm justified in wishing they would shut the fuck up and disappear for two hours.

Some may be wondering why I'm bringing this up. Well, for the obvious reason that I seem to be some sort of magnet for these people. The rate at which I attract them is positively surreal. I am not ashamed to say that I look like a cross between a zombie and a schizo in the morning. Is that really the face of a person that wants a pleasant chat? No, it's the face of a person that's going to end up as the suspect on a 48 Hours mystery.

I really don't understand what's getting lost in translation.