Unemployment Compensation Myths

According to many financial analysts and other fancy economic-type folks, we've been out of the recession for about a 2-3 years now. The U.S. economy apparently didn't get the memo, though. Perhaps it was out collecting cans to pay it's electric bill. But wherever the miscommunication occurred, many people continue to feel the effects of the recession and may continue to for years to come. While we are allegedly experiencing economic growth, the job market is just not there yet. It's dead. I mean, real dead. You that funky smell coming from under the hood of your car that you thought maybe might be a dead squirrel stuck up by the water pump ? That's the job market.

People that had job security 5 years ago are now people that would kill to be the McDonald's employee that spits in the Big Mac of the rude asshole at the drive-thru window. But until the job market recovers, many are being forced to subsist on unemployment compensation. I mean, we've all paid into it, right? Might as well get some of it back. Otherwise, it's just more money we've worked for that we're pissing away. *cough, cough* social security *cough, cough*
However, there are many negative connotations associated with drawing unemployment, mostly perpetuated by people who haven't ever had to do it. The misconceptions are astounding and, sometimes, downright insulting.

So, just for the record for anyone that may half-way care:
1) No one WANTS to collect unemployment. Well. . . most people don't want to collect unemployment, but the edge of financial ruin is certainly not to place to get all uppity. You gotta do what you gotta do. F.Y.I. there's plenty of easier ways to lay around and get a government hand-out. State unemployment departments are full of shit and you have to jump through all kinds of hoops to get and keep your benefits. . . which is actually fairly ridiculous considering you're trying to get money back that you already paid. It's like an extra-retarded income tax refund.

2) No one is ballin' on employment. This is the thing that gets me the most. People seem to think that people drawing unemployment are sitting around at home in a top hat and spats eating steak and lobster for dinner and laughing at all the suckers that went to work that day. Well, maybe some of them are. Though, personally, I pawned my top hat and spats for gas money like a year ago. I do still have a pretty spiffy monocle, though. Gotta have something to leave to the kids. . . assuming I can ever afford to have any.
But yeah. Basically, you're poor. Unemployment benefits are like 50% or less of whatever you made at work. So there's a good chance you're eating pork and beans with hotdogs cut up in it. That or good old Ramen: the breakfast, lunch and dinner of champions. Could also possibly end up being Thanksgiving and Xmas dinner until you find a job.

3) Unemployed people ARE looking for work. The unemployment department makes you. And even if they didn't, most people still would. Why? Because (and this is key), it's easier to just go work than collect unemployment. No. Really.

The problem is that you can't get what's not there. Looking for work in this economy is (for all you wrestling fans) like being in a royal rumble. In fact, employers should just do that. Lock applicants in a cage and the last man standing gets the job. That's pretty much the sort of competition everyone is up against anyway and it would keep all of us from having to edit our resumes constantly.

For myself, I decided to use my unscheduled two years of vacation to go back to school. Because, apparently, that five years I went from 1999-2004 wasn't sufficient to land me any job that didn't involve me answering someone else's phone.