Men, Do Your Market Research

So the other day, I was coming out of a store and there was a guy standing outside at the bus stop on the corner.  I don't really remember seeing him before I went in. Maybe he was there. Maybe he wasn't.  The point is that before I went into the store, I had no interaction with this gentleman whatsoever. However, when I came out, the guy was immediately hitting on me. . .  hard.  It was like getting sucker punched with sweet talk.

Anyway, whatever he was trying to say was pretty unintelligible and, as I was not particularly interested anyway, I just smiled, got in my car and proceeded to drive away.  I have no idea whether his pickup lines were any good or not, but I do know screaming them down the street didn't really win me over.

But the encounter got me to wondering if similar behavior had really paid off for this guy before or if he really didn't think his methodology through before he executed it.  I know some men have a game plan when it comes to picking up women, while others like to fly by the seat of their pants. Some men are smooth, some men are not so smooth.  Some men are successful, other men crash and burn like the Hindenburg.  What's the difference? Who knows.  A lot of factors figure into it. Sometimes it's physical attractiveness.  Other times, it's experience level.  Occasionally  it's as simple as hitting on a chick with either low standards, high desperation levels or both.

It can even come down to  sheer creativity.  Unfortunately, this is where some men get into trouble.  There is a fine line between being creative, being a creep ass and being a d-bag.  So, gentlemen, before you go slicing off your ear a la Van Gogh or popping up the collar of your shirt like it's 1986, maybe you want to try doing a little research on just how women like to be approached.

Granted, all women aren't exactly the same.  But there is a laundry list of things that will absolutely turn 99% of us off.  One of my personal big ones: guys pulling up to the curb in their cars.  Why?  Because 1) I am not a sex drive-thru and 2) I am not a hooker.  I have to wonder if this occurs at all to men that do this, that the only other time most men pull up to a curb to talk to a women is if she is a prostitute.  Obviously, this isn't the case all the time (she could also be a drug dealer), but, yeah. . .   Just in case you didn't know, being treated like a hooker is bad. . . unless the woman actually is one.  In which case, cut the crap and show her the money.

 Running up to a woman's car at a street light  is not really kosher either.  First of all, it's dangerous. There is no piece of ass on earth worth playing live-action Frogger over. And if you do manage to make it in to the car without going splat, there is a pretty high chance that you're are a) going to get maced or b) be  dragged several hundred feet when the girl accidentally rolls your sleeve up in her window.

Also yelling "Hey shor-tay, you bad!" from the bus stop. . . ?
No. Go stand in the corner.

A similar phenomenon (and yes, this happened to me too) that does not win you brownie points with the object of your affection: driving up on the sidewalk.  By and large, seeing a two ton vehicle come careening in our direction does not inspire us to want to go to dinner with you.  Sure, you've got the woman right where you want her, but once she regains consciousness, she not going to be real inclined to give you her phone number.

Also, a move that I find circumstantially effective but perhaps shouldn't be applied to women over 18 years old: walking a girl home.  Don't get me wrong, it's cute in an old-fashioned way; but  once you're out of high school, it can be a bit creepy, especially if you've just met.  And I'm not talking out-on-a-date-end-of-the-night just met.  More like, follow-me-out-of-Starbucks just met.  It's not cute then and actually, more likely than not, the woman has just dialed 9 and 1.  You are now one number away from a restraining order.

I guess what I'm trying to say here, men, is just stop and think if you can.  But I also understand that sometimes when an opportunity presents itself, there is little to no time to really figure out the best approach.  In those cases, trying  "Hi, My name is [insert name here]", couldn't really hurt, could it?