What They Don't Tell You About College

I'm am in the second year of a two-year veterinary technology program.  Though I have learned a lot and have, for the most part, thoroughly enjoyed my experience, I am seriously ready to graduate.  Apparently, in the 7 years since I have been out of school, I have developed a mild case of attention deficit disorder. . . or senility.  Don't get me wrong, I get good grades, but it feels harder to  focus now than before.

I never thought that, at nearly 31 years old, I'd find myself back in school.  In high school, I thought I'd go off to my initial four years of university level work, graduate and live happily ever after.  I might as well have thought that the my fairy godmother would wave her magic wand and make me the Queen of Candyland.  That was just as likely to happen as me going off to college and having it pan out the way I thought it would.

In a lot of cases, going to college doesn't pay off the way people are led to believe.  There's a few tiny details that the guidance counselors and advisors leave out.  One of those details is how you'll be bent ass-first over a table by student loan debt for years after you graduate.  Seriously, you're going to be like Sisyphus with that shit; unless  you're smart enough to embezzle a little money here and there without getting caught.  Of course, you also have to be working somewhere worth stealing from.  There doesn't really seem to be much point in doctoring the books at 7-11.

There's also the fact that a Bachelor's degree just doesn't cut it the way it used to.  More and more jobs are looking for people with advanced degrees. And what does this mean for the average student?  It means two to four extra years of trying to quietly get laid in your parents' basement and asking for underwear for Christmas because all the ones you have are being held up by packing tape instead of the original elastic.

But the biggest thing advisers usually forget to mention while they're pimping  schools to you: YOU NEED TO GRADUATE WITH AN ACTUAL  SKILL.

Really, this is pretty key to going to college and having it make a measurable difference in you life.  Any degree that doesn't  have immediate application to the world outside of college is probably a waste of time.   The only job anyone is going to land with an art degree is teaching a class of unappreciative brats how to paint shitty watercolors. Which is fine if that was your intention all along, but somewhat anticlimactic if it wasn't.

Ok, I take that back. SOME people can make a decent living with a art degree.  But most people are going to end up in the teacher's lounge every day at lunch smoking a joint just so they can face the world.  And this little scenario doesn't only apply to liberal arts degrees.  Most general science degrees are going to be the same way UNLESS you've had the good sense to work in research while you were in school. Even then, getting a good job is a crap shoot without at least a Masters.  Otherwise, you could yourself right next to that pothead art teacher drinking vodka out of a coffee mug.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't go to college. They totally should. Kids just need to have a better understanding of how their degree is going to apply to real life. College does not necessarily mean more money.  Ever seen those Education Connections commercials with the waitress singing about making more cash by getting more education? Yeah. . . not quite.

First off, what reputable university advertises on the Cartoon Network at 3am?   I understand this thing is just a service to connect you with schools, but you don't see an ad for Harvard between episodes of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Just sayin'.

Secondly, I just don't appreciate this company shopping this pseudo-fallacy out to down-on-their-luck people.  Because, honestly, if you're up watching Adult Swim in the wees hours of a weeknight, you probably don't have a job to go to the next day ( and yes, I know this from experience).  Going back to school isn't necessarily going to improve your circumstances. Every single time I saw that commercial, I wasn't thinking "hmm, maybe I should go back to school and further I my education". I was thinking "Fuck you, Education Connection".

No, I'm not bitter at all.